


wish stick

by orphan_account



Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Just angst, M/M, Smoking, Tags Are Hard, donghun just wants to smoke his sadness away, donghun trying to move on from his ex, dongjun are so frustrating icb, emoing at chan's birthday party this is what it is, im sorry?, meanwhile wowkwan are so in love, my babies are hurting, my first fic here!, wowkwan really minor but really relevant so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 05:18:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19761385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Donghun stands there and observes the scene in front of him. He sees it all, the concern and fondness in Sehyoon's eyes, Byeongkwan's trust as he holds on for dear life onto his arm. He knows this very well.Donghun knows that this is love.edit: dongjun but not really





	wish stick

**Author's Note:**

> hi, uh,, so this is my first work here. i don't really have anything to say except maybe sorry for some reasons like 1) it's gonna hurt a bit 2) it's not gonna hurt like how you expected 3) it's really Bad
> 
> (tbh there's quite some minor details i want to fret about but if i do i won't be able to finish this anymore loool so if you notice something's off/theres mistakes pls spare me)
> 
> i really just want this thing to leave my drafts that's why im posting it now lol have 'fun' reading!

◇

Couldn't burn, I want you here

Keeping the memories of you

The only light I could find

For you know you're special to me

A picture of you only in my mind

While you held the cigarette of wish

Couldn't ask for more but you

Where are you now? You're far away

Should I burn, make the wish

Should I keep, let the memory stay

All I have is this last stick I have

Reminds me of how I miss you so much

(excerpt from: Wish Stick - Francis Utada, 2005)

◇

Donghun wakes up to his alarm that he set blaring late in the afternoon. He scrambles out of his bed clothes into the shower. It’s an unusual routine, but in a few hours he has to come one of his best friend's house party to celebrate his birthday, and he's pretty sure his presence is expected, because it's been months since he's last shown himself.

He takes a good look at his reflection in the mirror. Donghun dyed his hair brown yesterday, but it isn’t that very striking compared to his eye bags that are definitely getting darker.

That isn’t the one that really catches his attention though, it’s the fresh silver piercings sitting on his left eyebrow. He had got them weeks prior, a decision made on impulse. Truly a _'Donghun-esque'_ behavior, as one of his co-workers said.

He needed some _change_. That was his answer.

At least he can say that he looks better, compared to last month. He met with his older brother and the first thing he told him was that he looked like a walking corpse. 

His phone lights up, probably showing yet another message from his friends. 

Lots of messages came flooding in since yesterday, telling him to get out of his cave and start socializing again. To stop _moping_. Contrary to what they’re thinking, he isn’t moping. That's not his style. He just keeps himself busier than usual with all his work piling up and his pending composition gigs.

Donghun thinks it's better to keep him himself busy. Even though it's stressful, it's a nice way to help him forget.

》

_It's like the break-up just flashed right in front of his eyes._

_Donghun and Hangyeom had been going steady for almost eight months, and Donghun had thought things were perfectly fine between them. Although Hangyeom was quite the demanding type, Donghun was the one with really good patience, at least in this relationship, so somehow they managed. His friends had already told him that he was being blind and stupid, but Donghun paid no mind to them._

_He loved Hangyeom, and Hangyeom loved him back..._

_Or so he thought until one night he got a phone call, where in he was told something he thought he'd never hear._

_"Donghun, this isn't working out."_

_"What are you talking about? Is there anything wrong?"_

_"This," A long pause. "...Us. Let's break up."_

_"Is it because of our fight the other day?"_

_They had an argument how he tends to zone out when they're together, like his mind was always somewhere else._

_Donghun holds his phone tighter. "I think we should meet first-"_

_"No. If we see each other right now this will be more difficult for the both of us. I know you, Donghun."_

_"But we need to at least see each other! We need to clear things out. I can't understand why you're being like this.", Donghun got no response and it began to make him panic. "Where are you? I'll go there."_

_"Please don't be stubborn. I'm not in Seoul so it won't be necessary for you to go out and find me."_

_“Stubborn?! I should be the one telling you that. Don't pull away from me, please. I want us to be together." Donghun started getting desperate. He couldn’t let things end like this. He did everything to make the younger happy, and he was sure that couldn’t be the reason why he wanted to break up._

_“I love you, Hangyeom.”_

_"Are you hearing yourself right now, Donghun?" He could hear the obvious frustration in Hangyeom's voice. "You say that you love me, but I always feel that those words aren’t directed to me. It’s like we’re together, but you’re looking at somebody else. Nothing you tell me feels sincere anymore. I...I can’t have this kind of relationship with you."_

_"There must be a misunderstanding, I never..."_

_Donghun, for a lack of better term, was shocked. This was probably just a lie, and maybe Hangyeom was only playing a trick on him._

_He never looked at anybody else, he loved Hangyeom. Of course his attention will always be only for him. He was so confused, at a loss for words and he could feel the tears brimming in his eyes. There was only dead silence on the line until Hangyeom spoke again._

_“It’s better if we end things this way, I don’t want to hurt any of us further.”_

_That was probably one of the most bullshit things Donghun had ever heard in his life._

_"You're already hurting me too much, Hangyeom."_

_“I’m sorry, hyung.”_

》

Donghun’s relieved that there isn’t a huge crowd when he arrived at Yuchan's home. After all, it's only 7:30, and it's expected that the others will come in at a later time. He's also thankful that he recognizes most faces that he sees. The celebrant spots and calls out his name so he approaches, only to literally get dragged towards the couch and enveloped in a bone-crushing hug.

"Good thing you were able to come here, Donghun-hyung!" Yuchan exclaims. "I was starting to think you’re going to ditch us."

"I really don’t have much free time in my life, Chan." He jokingly pushes him away in a weak attempt to escape his hug. "Happy birthday. Sorry I wasn’t able to contact you guys."

Yuchan's grin disappears when he let go of him. “Hyung, are you alright?”

"Of course I am."

"But...” Yuchan fidgets a little before continuing. "What about the thing with you and…Hangyeom?"

Donghun snorts. “You’re always late with the news, kid. Yeah, I’m okay.”

"Are you sure?"

"Chan, that was three months ago."

"Please don’t get mad at me for saying this, but I saw it coming. I think we all did." Yuchan gulps down his beer and shifts in his seat. "I really didn't know how you put up with him.”

Donghun frowns, but forces a smile when he notices the sympathy from his best friend’s eyes.

“Hey, hey stop looking at me like that. It’s your night so the host shouldn’t have that kind of face. I promise, I’m already okay.” He hands Yuchan his birthday gift in a big paper bag.

Yuchan looks like he still has something else to say, but he stops himself and thanks his hyung for the gift, instead pulling Donghun to the other side of the living room mentioning something about ‘ _moving on_ ’ and ‘ _more beer_ ’.

》

After a few more drinks Donghun’s finally able to get Yuchan off his back. It’s obvious that he was trying to comfort him. He appreciates that the younger is really just a ball of sunshine that likes lifting other people's moods, but now isn’t the time for that. Donghun lets Junyoung take Chan away, because there are still other people in the party who want to see him.

He chats with Hyojin instead; whom Donghun thinks is more than sensitive enough not to bring up the topic.

"So, I heard you broke up with that guy…" Hyojin starts and Donghun almost spits out his drink.

They end up talking about work, and other adult stuff, only after Donghun told him that he’s _really_ okay, that there’s nothing to worry about and _will he please stop asking him questions about that_.

》

Donghun’s already drowning himself in his fourth (fifth?) can of beer when sees some friends in the kitchen. 

“Sehyoon?” He looks at the figure slumped on his side. “What happened to him?” 

Said figure looks up and waves. “Hello, Donghun-hyung...”

Sehyoon struggles to keep Byeongkwan sitting on the stool. “I'm absolutely delighted to see you after so many months, but I apologize that I can't focus because my boyfriend is already too much intoxicated to handle.”

“I missed you too, Sehyoon." Donghun chuckles at his response. "I thought Byeongkwan can handle his alcohol well?”

"No, no Donghyun-hyung...m'fine.."

"Apparently he failed tonight but yeah, he’ll be fine," Sehyoon helps the other drink the water he got from the fridge. "He’ll probably get a headache when he sobers up, though."

Donghun stands there and observes the scene in front of him. He sees it all, the concern and fondness in Sehyoon's eyes, Byeongkwan's trust as he holds on for dear life onto his arm. He knows this very well.

Donghun knows that this is _love_.

Were he and Hangyeom like that too? _Were they in love like that?_

“I’ve always wondered how you manage to keep up with Byeongkwan's antics.” Donghun comments out of the blue. “You really love him, don’t you?”

Sehyoon eyes him as if he said something funny. “Now where did that come from?”

_("Of course Sehni-hyung loves me, right? Sehyoonie-hyung?"_

_"Yes, I do. Now drink your water." )_

Donghun realized what he had just said and awkwardly laughs, saying that it’s nothing. He leaves the kitchen with a heavy sigh.

He needs to _smoke_.

》

Thankfully, he still remembers the way to the veranda (or what he personally calls his _smoking area_ ) . Yuchan doesn’t approve of Donghun’s habit but _hey_ , only one stick. He lets the cold evening breeze gently hit his face as he takes long drags of his cigarette.

Donghun hates to admit it but he feels kind of upset. It sucks, because he’s not supposed to feel this kind of emotion right now; he’s trying to move on. And he's in a damn party, but all he feels like is a big party pooper.

But the more he pushes himself to forget, the more the memories of that day when Hangyeom broke up with him keep on coming back.

_Why is it that when he thought he was finally ready for a serious relationship, things suddenly fall apart?_

He had so many questions that time. He tried to give Hangyeom everything, why couldn’t he see that? Was Donghun really not enough for him? Was he really the one lacking in their relationship?

When he saw Sehyoon with Byeongkwan, he couldn’t help but feel envious. Months ago, they were just as (sickeningly) sweet as them. But now look at him, he’s alone… and bitter.

Donghun assumes that it’s karma. He hadn't been one for serious relationships before, stealing and breaking hearts like it was nothing. Maybe fate decided that it was his turn to be broken.

He isn’t mad at Hangyeom anymore. Donghun realized later on that Hangyeom had all the right to break up with him. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he was right.

_"You say that you love me, but I always feel that those words aren’t directed to me. It’s like we’re together, but you’re looking at somebody else. Nothing you tell me feels sincere anymore. I..I can’t have this kind of relationship with you."_

Donghun's just mad at himself.

The cigarette continues to burn against his lips. He feels suffocated, and it's not even because of the smoke.

He takes his last few drags, drops the cigarette to the ground and stomps on it with a bit more force than he intends to. He still feels so pathetic because it’s so unlike him to brood over a break up. Donghun looks at the last stick in his pack and decides that another round won't be so bad.

But even before he was able to take it out, a presence of another person walking out in the veranda startles him.

“Donghun-hyung?”

He turns around to see someone that he really didn’t expect. A man with black hair was standing by the sliding glass doors, looking at him with surprise on his face.

“Did I disturb you?” The man asks again. “Because if yes, I’ll just-“

“No, not at all.” Donghun shakes his head too fast for his liking. “It’s okay, Junhee.”

》

They spend the first few minutes in silence, Donghun just playing with his lighter and Junhee, who brought some cans with him— _(he smiles at that, he never changed)_ drinking all by himself. The silence felt nice, but Donghun thinks he should speak up before things get awkward.

"You're looking great, Donghun-hyung," Junhee beats him to it, smiling and eyeing him from head to toe.

Donghun becomes conscious as his cheeks goes red at the sudden attention. "And you're being sarcastic."

"No, really. You look great." He laughs and Donghun feels something in his chest but still chooses to ignore it. "Love your eyebrow piercing, never thought you'd do that. Does it still hurt?"

"Huh, oh..not anymore." He tries to take control of the conversation again, in an attempt to distract himself. Maybe he should really just quit smoking after all because he feels like the air's getting knocked out of his lungs. "Are you alright though? You seem to be drinking a lot more than usual.”

“You think so? What even is my usual?” Junhee grins and plays with the can in his hand. “How about you, Donghun-hyung? It’s been a while since I last saw you smoke.”

“Hm, it’s been a while since we last saw each other so you wouldn't know…” It’s true. Apart from his other friends from their group, Donghun and Junhee haven’t talked to each other since he started dating Hangyeom.

They went on about different things after that, everything they could catch up with— _as if nothing happened before_. Donghun missed talking to Junhee. It was refreshing, like he was able to breathe despite the suffocating feeling he was having earlier.

However, he knows things won't be going perfectly well when Junhee finally says the thing he's tired of hearing the most ever since he got into Yuchan's house.

_“I heard you finally broke up with that brat.”_

That was it. Just one sentence from him. Just one sentence from Junhee and he can feel everything all over again.

Donghun placed down his lighter and ran a hand through his hair. 

“Why does it hurt when you say it?” He laughs bitterly. Junhee didn't even need to mention Hangyeom's name to make him feel like everything hurts again. “Ever since I got here people have been asking me the same thing but I didn’t care and now you—“

“Because,” Junhee leans back and takes another sip of his beer. “I’m probably one of the only people who already told you that you were so fucking dumb and that he wasn’t worth it.”

Donghun remembers Junhee’s disapproving face when he told the group about his relationship with Hangyeom. They got into a fight because of that, to the point where they stopped talking to each other. Now, he really feels bad. Everyone had already told him that there was something wrong with Hangyeom but he chose to be blind and continue on, hurting himself in the process.

Little did they realize, there was something wrong with Donghun too.

“You were so dumb." Junhee says to the air in front of him but of course Donghun _knows_.

It's probably the alcohol taking over, and Donghun would find it funny if not for the subtle pain he's feeling in his chest now. “How about you? You’re still with that guy?”

“What do you think?” He asks and Donghun didn't know if he should take that as a yes so he just shrugs.

Turns out that things had started to become blurry between the two of them a month ago. They're still together, but Junhee said that _it's not the same anymore_. He explained that Rayoon isn’t at fault; it’s him who had a problem. There could never be a problem with Rayoon, he's very nice and understanding, the perfect guy anyone would want.

‘The _perfect_ guy for him.’ Donghun again ignores the pain somewhere inside that came along with that thought. He silently wonders what could have gone wrong.

“You look more upset than I should be,” Junhee looks at him and gives a reassuring smile. “I’m feeling better now, Donghun-hyung. We'll figure it out.”

For some reason he remembers Hangyeom again, this time his words hitting him to another realization.

He could feel himself getting dizzy, but Junhee is smiling at him so he can’t let him notice.

_It’s like we’re together, but you’re looking at someone else._

It's true. Because no matter how hard he tried loving Hangyeom, it has always been _this person_.

The one he truly has feelings for, the one he was too afraid to chase that he let him slip out of his fingers. 

_Junhee_. 

Donghun is indeed an idiot, a coward. When he finally found the person he knew that he loved for real, he just let him go to another man.

“Isn’t this funny?” Junhee puts down his last can. “Look at us, two broken people drowning in their own vices and sympathizing with each other.”

Donghun doesn't answer, instead just looks down as his mind reels back with thoughts of what could've happened if he made a different decision with Junhee before.

What if...

_What if._

"Have you ever thought of us being together?” The words slip out of Donghun’s mouth before he could even think.

Junhee looks as if he was caught off-guard for a second but just laughs again. “You’re drunk.”

“Says the one who looks like he drank ten buckets of beer,” Donghun immediately regrets his question and decides that maybe this isn’t the right time, so he just laughs too, and stops there.

Honestly, Donghun's desperate to do something, anything that could turn this whole series of events around, but they’re both drunk - and he doesn’t want to make stupid decisions anymore.

He takes out the forgotten cigarette stick from its box and shows it to Junhee. "Do you know what this is?"

"That's a cigarette stick, you dummy."

"It's my wish stick," Donghun explains. "Or what most people call the lucky stick. You put it upside down in the box as a sign that it should be the last one,meaning that if you make it to the last stick alive then you're lucky. Other than that, some also try making a wish."

"Huh, that's weird...you're weird." Junhee squints but still looking like he kind of understands what Donghun is saying. He ponders for a while before grabbing the cigarette from Donghun. "Shall I make a wish for you then?"

"You're about to wish me some unfortunate thing, aren't you?"

"Your lack of trust in me hurts my pride, Donghun-hyung." He pouts.

Donghun looks at him fondly. "I'm kidding. Now go and wish for me."

Junhee smiles at him and closes his eyes, holding the stick like it's a treasured item. "I wish this dumb hyung of mine would find somebody that would make him truly happy, and please give him more common sense...so his love life isn’t this horrible."

Donghun laughs and takes the cigarette back. "Hey, what was that?! And you're not supposed to say the wish out loud, you dummy."

There's something odd with the smile that Junhee shows him, but he decides that it's nothing.

_"Donghun-hyung. I'm wishing you a good life, okay?"_

》

In reality, Donghun knows that everything would end there. After this night they would go on separate ways again, Donghun trying to fix himself and Junhee probably going to sort out things with his boyfriend because he knows that he loves him, and there's no way that Donghun could still change whatever is going on right now.

He takes one last look at him. He's already passed out and was resting his head on his shoulder. After all this time, Park Junhee is still so _beautiful_.

Donghun decides to finally light up the damned stick after taking a moment to recite the wish he has in his mind, hoping that it will go up with the smoke so someone, whatever entity is out there, might hear him and make it happen.

The wind outside was cold that night, but somehow Donghun makes do of the little warmth he can afford and cherishes the moment.

_'If you only knew.... the wish that I'll ask for is you.'_

》

》

》

**Author's Note:**

> you made it to the end! so which one of the 3 options i said at the beginning notes should i apologize for? yell at me in the comments i would love to know what you think :) about the idea of the wishtick, it's just some silly practice me and my friends used to do (honestly i dont even know if i used the idea correctly but lmao)
> 
> big big thank you to @blackbluewoo for being my very kind beta and emoing with me while discussing stuff about this fic i love u so much u know that right, i dnw to go cheesy rn so skdjg
> 
> and to all my friends who read this when the fic was still a big mess thank you thank you thank you yall gave me kind words thats why i had the balls to post this ahahaha.. .


End file.
